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Little bit of a Tease part 2

 
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Ironneth the DragonMaster
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Joined: 10 Jun 2011
Posts: 29
Location: Kentucky

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 5:34 pm GMT    Post subject: Little bit of a Tease part 2 Reply with quote

OK ive been working on a story, for the RPG companion novels and Zero wanted me to post some of it and see what you all thought of the first couple pages. Please do not hesitate to critique and berate me. I need the input. Much more to come. looking for an editor i will have 900 pages to do and do belive that i will be able to do it alone.


Ironneth lay on the bottom of the pool at the end of the sea water aqueducts that lead to the royal palace. His gills were wide open, breathing deep the cool ocean water, a cool release of the days passing stresses at the academy.
The stars above twinkle through the water in amazing ways.
The pool is the above the city lines where the tenements rooflines and smoke from the Vahdal forges block out most of the day, let alone giving a clear view of the night sky. The darkness is broken only by the flicker of the fires that burn in the smudge pots that surround this most coveted places in all of New Ellarinn. He is so fixated on the stars that he does not notice the small ripple caused by an anonymous entry to the pool. A small touch on his foot startles him to the surface with language inappropriate to the younger Similari.
Giggles of marina permeate the courtyard.
"You shouldn't be here" she musters through the laughter.
“Why did you scare me like that!?! I thought i had been caught, or a spirit had attacked me.”
“No it’s just me, plus we both know spirits don't exist.” She joyfully replies.
“I heard you had another "back fire" today.”
“Yeah don’t remind me. I’m the worst enchanter on the planet” he says as he wipes down with his shirt.
“I destroyed the practice field stands. Poof! Destruction… in a cloud of white smoke. I truly believe that if Dekorath wasn’t helping me, and my parents weren’t on the council they would have booted me out of here.”
“Don’t say that Ironn. You have skills that you have not achieved yet. You will figure it out one day. and if you dont the Magistrate will kick you out.”
He looks at her in a sarcastic tone.
“I have to go Marina the Diligence guards will be through now that you made me squeal like a goblin getting his foot smashed. Tell dekorath to come see me tomorrow before Quietude. I need to ask him something serious” he spouts as he runs down the path and hops the gate.
The guards walk up just as Ironn’s shadow disappears out of sight.
“Lady Mariness, is there trouble, we heard a yell?” Martique asks with his hand on his Scimitar.
“No Martique, everythings all right.” she responds as she swims to the side of the fountain pool.
“It wasn’t that boy from the town again. Was it?” He says with a knowing grimace.
“Ironneth? No he knows my father doesn’t like him here.” She says as she climbs out of the pool, water dripping from her perfectly shaped body.
A large smile comes over the guards faces.
Mariness, or Marina as her closest friends call her, is one of the most beautiful women in all of new Ellarinn. Her stunning beauty is not the full allure to Marina. Her father is the lord of the Telvanic coast. After the destruction of Krakato and the establishment of New Emmeria, far from the coral giant Ogan, on the Island of Luster, the elders chose New Ellarinn as the capital of the southern coral kingdom on the Telvanic Coast. Because of the academy and its secure defensive stance on top of the cliffs, New Ellarinn was the prime choice. The view from the stronghold tower at the palace known as Fartide Manor was rivaled by no other tower in Esfah.
In midafternoon from the tower you could see the Narcea Mountains and Krakato to the east. The lowland plains were in view to the west and the dense forest to the north. The lands were pristine and the battles for supremacy were short and victorious for the Similari war battalion, having been unmatched in power or prowess for nearly a decade.



Much more to come. looking for an editor i will have 900 pages to do and do not belive that i will be able to do it alone. Shooting for completion of book 1 and 2 before Forge Con in Lexington Ky 2012.
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Zero_Dynasty
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Joined: 17 Jul 2010
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 6:35 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Loving it, im picturing fast times at ridgemont high when marina comes out the water lol
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Ironneth the DragonMaster
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Joined: 10 Jun 2011
Posts: 29
Location: Kentucky

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 6:58 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes about that way. Thanks Ill be thinking of that all night. Now lets hope someone beside you responds. lol

Seriously.
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cliffwiggs
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 10:09 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Only 899 more pages to go!
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eggsaladsandwich
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 10:24 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

excellent!
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