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Majiken
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 11:04 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

As he trudged upwards, the first thing that went through Chguck's mind (other than the wind blowing through his ears), was that he was getting cold. He remembered being this high before during the Battle of Balgavarr, but it had not been this cold then. Had he been gone so long that it was now winter? His feet and toes were almost numb. Whatever this white stuff was on the ground, it sure was frosty. His long yellow toenails left long furrows in the stuff with each step he took, and he watched in horror when one of them grew so brittle it broke off.

He sat down on a large white lump and attempted to put it back on. He scraped away the fungus from the underside and used a lump of wax dug from one pointy ear as glue. It seemed to work, even though the nail was a bit wobbly. "Me no picking teeth with that one anymore!" he decided.

He looked himself over and assessed the damage this trip had wrought upon him. Broken toenail, numerous scratches, scrapes and bruises (granted, more of those were from his wife and Dora whacking him with the Spoon), and several lumps to his already lumpy noggin. "Me a mess," he moaned.

He looked up at the Kafnysan Mountains rising high all around him. Somewhere in those rocky hills the door to Balgavarr Reaches waited to be found. Having never seen it during the last battle he wasn't quite sure where it was. He'd been bravely cowering under a rock during a dragon's attack and missed a lot of what had been going on. He did recall that that the dwarves had done a lot of goblin butt-kicking after the battle as encouragement to, as they put it, "Go home!"

He absently rubbed his left buttock where Stevik the wizard had planted a solid kick. It was still sore, even after so many years. This made him frown, and more determined than ever to get into Balgavarr and return the favor.

Chguck mrached for most of the day, growing colder and more weary with each step. The white stuff on the ground was now falling from the sky, where gray clouds had covered the sun. He had tasted the powder, and while not disagreeable, it had no flavor and did more to quench his thirst than to curb his hunger. Fatigue was filling his muscles, and he couldn't stop shivering. He'd lost his repaired toenail, but was too cold to mourn the loss. Finally, he found a nice rock under a bristlebranch tree and sat down, intending to close his eyes just for a moment to rest...

Just a few minutes more...

* * * * * *

The two dwarf footmen stunbled across the large Trog™-shaped block of ice a few days later. "That's the ugliest snow-dwarf I've ever seen," said Artem sa'Waren.

His friend Seth sa'Hyram peered closer. "I think it's a Trog™," he muttered.

"Way up here? Trogs™ hate the cold and snow."

Seth rubbed the ice covering the face of the goblin and winced. "Wow, that's ugly. What should we do with it?"

Artem gave the Trogcicle a shove, and it fell over onto the path with a thud. He sighed. You grab that end. We'll take it to the guildmasters and let them decide. Maybe the Archer's Guild can use a target."

Seth grimaced at the thought of taking hold of the Trog™'s ice-coated feet. "I'm glad I'm wearing gloves," he said.

To be continued...

Disclaimer: We're back after a long absence. Is the end in sight at last?
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 3:23 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Majiken wrote:


Disclaimer: We're back after a long absence. Is the end in sight at last?


I hope not!!!
I enjoyed reading, Steve and Joe!!
When will the printed version be available??
(including special S&JW die inside!!)


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 7:17 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chguck awoke in a miserably uncomfortable chair (too much padding for his taste, and it kept tipping backwards into some kind of bed) in front of a warm fire. He was soaking wet, but for the life of him couldn't remember why, although he had a vague memory of being out in a snowstorm. (Or was it a swarm of lice? Chguck couldn't quite recall, but he vaguely thought that he didn't remember it having the tasty crunch of lice.) He took a few moments (actually, he took the better part of an hour, but for a recently frozen Trog™ that wasn't too bad) to gather what little was left of his wits and look around. He froze (metaphorically speaking this time, not literally, although as a literary character it could be argued that everything he did was literal) when he saw two figures sitting near a fireplace across the room. He rubbed his eyes, trying to focus on them and determine who-or what-they might be. As he regained his focus, such as it was, he was shocked to see that the two were none other than Stevik and Jo'ek! His plan was really coming together! (He really didn't have a plan, or for that matter remember why he was looking for Stevik and Jo'ek, but he thought something must be happening that he wanted, or at least that Stevik and Jo'ek were less dangerous than going home to The Spoon.)

He glanced down at his feet. They were rather grimy (to put it politely, not that goblins ever put anything politely), and he seemed to be missing a toenail...wait, where were his BOOTS?? He couldn't carry out his plan without the boots! Now who had them? A faint, distant image of an Amazon warrior with some dreaded weapon flitted through his mind (he shuddered to recall it), and he remembered, or thought he remembered, or hallucinated that she knew where Boots were (or was, but he didn't know that, and wouldn't worry about the grammar anyway). Should he go find her? Should he looks for other boots? Should he sneak up on Stevik and Jo'ek and...and...do something? (He'd figure out what when he got there.) Should he...?

"Excuse me, sir, would you care for something? Dwarven ale, Selumari™ wine, rat on a stick?" A tall, blue-skinned female leaned down with a tray. Chguck completely missed the impact of the aesthetics (not that they would appeal to a Trog™ anyway, but trust me, aesthetic they were), but the smell of slightly burned rat had a definite impact on his senses.

"Mmmm...rat?" he asked. The Selumari™ maid handed him a skewer with a vaguely recognizable rodent on the end, and walked away. Chguck munched on the rat, savoring the overdone searing of its flesh and enjoying the squishy innards, which were pulped to perfection. He pondered what he should do next.

He fell asleep.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Disclaimer: Hey, I don't have any idea where this is going either!
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 2:10 pm GMT    Post subject: Chapter 4 Reply with quote

When Chguck next opened his eyes, the fire had burned down to warm coals, and the sweet smell of fragrant smoke hung in the air. The room where he napped was large, and lit with four lanterns hanging on each of the walls. Across the room Stevik lounged in a chair, leaning it back and propping his feet up on a table. He puffed on a pipe, sending perfect smoke-rings toward the open roof. This itself surprised the goblin, but as he had never been inside a dwarven city, there was little that wouldn't surprise him. Far overhead ( and I do mean, FAR), the ceiling of the great cavern of Balgavarr was barely visible. It was covered with... stars?

"No roof?" he asked, pointing with a grimy finger.

Stevik grinned at him. "It doesn't rain inside the cavern very often. Walls are all we need."

Chguck glanced over the nearest wall and could see mighty pillars in the distance rising from the cavern floor all the way to the ceiling. He suddenly felt very small. He glanced back up. "Must be night, lot of stars."

Stevik chguckled. "Actually, those are crystals in the rock. They reflect the light from below. It does look like stars."

"Why me no dead?" The conversation wasn't all that interesting with Stevik using such big words.

"It seems Trogs™ are too dense to freeze all the way through. We thawed you out just in time."

"Um... why me no dead?"

Stevik shook his head and sighed. "Because we don't kill without reason, even when we find a vile, loathsome, disgusting, flea-bitten, mangy..." Chguck cut him off with a moan and a roll of his eyes. Why was everybody so insulting? "Anyway, we wanted to know what a goblin was doing so far up the mountains. "You're a long way from home, my oderous friend."

Chguck tried to gather his thoughts, but found them too scattered to bring together. What had he come here for? Roast rat on a stick? That had been tasty. Now that he thought about it, his muddled mind just couldn't remember. Something about...

"Boots."

Stevik nodded with apparent understanding. "Yes, Boots. We've heard the Amazons were seeking him, and one other. Despite our alliance, we leave their religious zealotry to them. It's not our business."

Chguck shook his head, dislodging a small cloud of flying vermin into the fire, causing a hiss and a faintly acrid smell of toasted bug. "No, boots for... feet?" He lifted one up so the dwarf could see it better, his big toe hiding the grimace of disgust that bloomed on Stevik's face.

"You came all the way here for a pair of shoes? You are certainly the strangest Trog™ I've ever encountered. That was all then, boots? Your people aren't thinking about another invasion?"

"No, just boots." He had seen the shining blade of a war axe hanging on the wall, and figured it was best to appear harmless. For Chguck, this was a stellar leap of logic.

There was a gust of wind and the flapping of large wings, and a massive frostwing landed on the top of the wall. The blue-black fur glistened in the light of the torches. It panted, and Chguck winced at the sight of mighty fangs in the open mouth. "Oh boy," he whispered, "Jo'ek here."

To be continued...

Disclaimer: In case you haven't noticed, there are several misspellings throught Chguck's story. These are intentional, and the story behind them is just as good. Ask us sometime, or wait for Steve to finish the appendix, compendium, whatever it is...
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 3:15 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chguck quickly reviewed his options. By that time, Stevik and Jo'ek had finished their two-week journey to Anadanapolis for DjinnCon (watching displays of firewalking and galeforce winds was always very entertaining) and reentered the room. Chguck knew he needed the boots before he would be ready to face the dual challenge presented by his formidable antagonists (or, "Two guys, no boots-UGH!"), so he looked for a way to exit the room. The only door he could see was directly behind Stevik and Jo'ek, but Chguck had a plan (or what passed for a plan in his rather primitive mind). He pulled a cube from his pockets, threw in into the corner of the room, and uttered the magic chant he had been taught: "Magi!" Sure enough, the pair's attention was diverted for a moment, and Chguck charged into them. Well, not exactly-he missed them completely and hurtled through the doorway behind them and into the hall, but he accepted this as a pretty good outcome overall. Behind him, he heard Stevik say, "Nah, just a Vindicator-need another one, Jo'ek?" whereupon Jo'ek uttered an Areosan oath better left untranslated (not that Chguck could understand it anyway, but trust me, you do NOT want to hear what the Areosan word for "useless piece of junk" coupled with the term for "brother-in-law" sounds like).

Chguck looked around him and saw-

Dwarves.

Lots and lots of dwarves.

I mean, a whole heaping lot of dwarves.

More dwarves than Chguck had ever seen anywhere. (OK, maybe there had been that many at the battle of Balgavarr, but since Chguck had spent most of the battle either cowering behind rocks or knocked unconscious. mostly by warriors on his own side, he really hadn't seen the dwarves much.)

And then Chguck noticed something else-

All those dwarves were looking at HIM.

And many had axes and crossbows.

And they didn't look friendly.

"GRABWUK!" thought Chguck, and he did.

DISCLAIMER: I know it's been a long time, but you DO remember what "grabwuk" means, right?
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 5:13 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

"GRABWUK"!!!!!!! Shocked

Man, I haven't heard that for a while!
I just bought an old, ugly but terriffic sounding Stratocaster today (no, no GOBLINCASTER™!!!!) and I think I'll call it "GRABWUK"!!
(at least that's what I'll put letter-stickers on it!!)

All my guitars have names!!
Why not GRABWUK???

Well, it's black....... maybe I better call it after my girl friend in Ethiopia?? Or simply "Ebony"???

I know it's been a long time, but Grabwuk is something like .... BOLLOKS????
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:04 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

UPDATE:

The "ugly but terriffic sounding" stratocaster's electrics turned out to be GRABWUK!!!!!!!!

....so it's sold again!

It didn't even come close to the fabulous quality of a real LRS (= Leopard Rider Studios) GOBLINCASTER™'s electrics!!! Confused

BTW, Chuck, could you program the forum code to show that little tm-symbol whenever GOBLINCASTER™ is posted??? Cool
Just like with the Dragon Dice™ terms.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 7:08 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

This little symbol? ™

Take a look, it's done.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 7:22 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love you, Chuck!!!!
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Last edited by Deeghter on Fri Dec 12, 2008 2:10 am GMT; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 6:48 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm thinking that, with Joe's illness, it may be time to draw the adventures of Chguck to a close soon. I'm working on a finale (much to Robert's chagrin, since he had another episode planned), and I may be making an announcement after the New Year about OUAF in a somewhat more permanent format (if I can get the BoD to OK it-I haven't actually worked out the details). Hmmm....maybe I won't post the ending on the forum after all... Twisted Evil Twisted Evil
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 2:12 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

That sounds promising, Steve!!

And best of luck and speedy recovery to Joe!!
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 1:46 pm GMT    Post subject: Episode 93 Reply with quote

Chguck stared at the dwarves that surrounded him, who in turn were staring at the fresh mess on what had been an otherwise spotless floor.

One of the Vaghan warriors turned to his comrades and muttered, "What has that Trog™ been eating?" He waved his hand in front of his nose.

Wanting to be helpful, Chguck decided to tell him. "Grubs, worms, a dead squirrel that was nicely rotten, some of the awful stew that Stevik gave me..." He would have continued on happily, all the while wondering how to get his lost breakfast back into his innards. That hope was squelched as another dwarf stepped into view, made a gesture with his hand, and flames burned away the grabwuk on the floor.

"Firiel's flame," the dwarf grumbled. "Protect us from Trog™ intelligence. Get this stinking creature to the Chancellor. He'll know what to do with him."

More dwarves appeared and crowded around Chguck, and using the hafts of their battle axes, prodded him along the corridor and into a wide street. Here he saw for the first time the daily activity of the Vagha™. It was a market of sorts, with all types of goods and crafts displayed. He saw weapons, jewelry and stoneware, sturdy armors made from leather, chain and plate metal, and stalls that sold fresh foodstuffs and prepared dishes full of savory spices. To a dwarf the scent of the market was intoxicating, to a Trog™ it was rather disgusting. Chguck spied a merchant selling sticks of roasted meat, and wrinkled his yellow nose. "Ugh, you cooks meat? How can dwarves stand to eat?"

His only answer was another prod to his backside, right where he was sure it would bruise. If he ever got home and Pat saw all the bruises on him, she would think he had been wrestling with another female, and in a fit of jealousy, beat him to death with the Spoon. He shrugged. That actually didn't sound half bad considering his current situation.

His escort guided him through the market and into the open square of Balgavarr. Overcome with awe he came to a dead stop and stared with gaping eyes. Understanding what was happening, his guards let him look around. The Vagha™ knew all visitors had the same reaction to the city center, and were always ready to let them feel cowed by dwarven know-how and craftsmanship. Even if it was just a goblin this time.

In the exact center of the wide courtyard stood a massive marble statue, and Chguck shuddered as he recognized the figure of the legendary Thrag. The great hero of the last war had been carved with wings spread wide and mouth open in a roar, while the Frostwing axe was held aloft. From rumor Chguck was sure that the weapon held by the statue was Thrag's own weapon, and was considered a priceless treasure by Vagha™ and Aerosa alike. More than anything else, it was this tribute to one of their own that had made the two races solid allies, and a potent force in Cyrea.
Directly across from where he stood was the Chancellery, where the ruling Council of Balgavarr held chambers. It was a massive structure, and carved upon it were base reliefs of the many battles fought by the Vagha™ of the city. A dwarf behind him tapped his shoulder and pointed to an especially vivid carving set high above the others. "That one shows the battle for the Tower of Zephras, where we slaughtered hundreds of your kind that dared to intrude upon our lands. Just as you have done." This was accompanied by a low chuckle. "Welcome to Balgavarr Reaches, Trog™."

Now Chguck wondered exactly what he had been thinking when he had set out on his adventure to come and assault two of those people that lived in this great place.

They forced him to move again, and he was hustled up the many steps and into the building. Once inside, firepots glowed along the stone walls, casting golden light and driving back shadows. The marble floor was polished to a high sheen and inlaid with ribbons of pure gold and precious stones.
Impressed by the wealth he was seeing, Chguck almost missed the tall podium where a single dwarf sat, watching the strange band approach. The goblin grinned as he watched the dwarf scratch something on a parchment with a feather. He liked feathers. Sometimes, when Pataclaragertrude was feeling playful, she would put down the Spoon, take a feather and CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED. Yes, he liked feather quite a bit. Maybe he would enjoy his stay here after all.

The dwarf looked down from his lofty perch. "What is... that?" he asked with scorn, pointing at Chguck with his feather. He recoiled with disgust as the Trog™ smiled at him and waggled his bushy black eyebrows while pointing at his quill.

"It was captured outside the city," one of the guards said. "It says it has a mission here."

"Why wasn't it killed?" Chguck no longer looked at the feather. That last line had got his attention.

"The Captain said to bring it in, so here it is. He thought the Chancellor might know what to do with it."

Chguck decided he did not like being referred to as, 'It.' "My name Chguck," he muttered. "Me Big Chief of swamp."

"You be big pile of mammoth droppings," said the guard behind him. "Shut that hole in your face or I'll feed you my axe."

Chguck wasn't hungry enough to eat wood and metal. Not yet, anyway, so he shut up.

The dwarf above them sighed. "Very well. The Chancellor is finishing his midday meal. Take it in, but stay close enough to kill it if it tries anything funny."

This caused Chguck to shake his head. He wasn't here to be funny. He only knew one joke about a chicken and a road, and he was not sure he remembered the punchline. While trying to recall what made the joke funny, he was pushed through two enormous ironwood doors and into the Council chambers.

Only one dwarf sat behind the massive table where the Council held session, an empty plate in front of him and a goblet in his hand. He wore an expression of surprise on his young face as the Trog™ was mrached to stand near him. "Hmm," he said. "I haven't seen anything that ugly since I looked at Jim's Facebook page. What is it doing here?"

"Speak," said the gruff voice behind Chguck.

"Who be you?" Chguck squealed. He had an idea he knew who this particular dwarf was, and he really wanted to be anywhere else at the moment.

The Vaghan smiled and leaned on the table. "I am Geril sa'Ghuren, Dragonsbane and Chancellor of Balgavarr. Now, who are you?"

To be continued...

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I'm back for now. Look in the other areas of the forum to see what's going on.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:44 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote



Chguck


Glad you are back Joe....

Chguck joined the Acolytes of the Eldarim..

here is the unofficial Die
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:34 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chguck suspected that this was a trick question. (Then again, Chguck pretty much always assumed every question was a trick question, since to him they usually were.) Who was he? Well, even to a stupid dwarf that must be obvious. He was...he was...he was...in need of help.

"Wait! Me call friend!" Chguck shrieked.

The Chancellor looked mildly amused. (With Geril, this was not really that obvious. Since the death of Thrag, he was seldom amused, and only a few close friends could tell when he was. But this was one of those times.) "Very well, Trog™. Which friend do you wish to call?"

Another trick question. Maybe his Morehl™ friends Pete and Myka? No, he vaguely recalled that they were unavailable. He struggled to think of the names of any other friends he had. Nothing sprang immediately to mind. (This was not uncommon. In fact, it would have been astounding had anything sprung to Chguck's mind, much less the name of any of his friends-if he even had any.) Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea.

"Never mind. Chguck not want to call friend now," he muttered dejectedly.

"Chguck?" Geril raised an eyebrow. "Your name is Chguck?"

Chguck thought long and hard for a moment. (OK, actually for several minutes, during which Geril ordered a large tankard of Samadams Summer Ale, drank it, and requested a second.) "Yep, that me," he finally concluded.

Geril let out an incredible guffaw. This came as quite a shock to the other Vagha™ in the room, but they were so glad to see their leader apparently enjoying himself on this rare occasion that they soon joined in. The laughter of the dwarves filled the room, and drew attention from those standing outside. Pretty soon there were several dozen Vagha™ laughing out loud, some rolling on the floor laughing, and a few donkeys in the room going off as well.

Chguck thought about joining in, but he didn't remember hearing a joke. Then he thought about finding something to eat, but he couldn't remember if it was dinner time. Then he thought about trying to leave while the dwarves were laughing, but he couldn't remember why he was there anyway. In the end, he just sat down on the floor and waited, although he really didn't remember what he was waiting for.

"Gohdoh!" Geril finally managed to sputtered. "Go get Stevik and Jo'ek and tell them I wish to see them." He continued to chuckle silently.

Then Chguck remembered.

DISCLAIMER: Since I just heard from Joe via Facebook again, I thought maybe we could get back to tormenting Chguck on occasion. I missed the little bugger.
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:02 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chguck remembered something...this doesn't bode well.
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:08 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

HOLY ORMYR! I was browsing through random threads and this deserves all to view!
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2011 6:23 pm GMT    Post subject: Chapter 2,604.2 Reply with quote

"I here for boots!" he called, pleased to note that the dwarves stopped laughing at him.

The Chancellor regarded him with stern eyes, and spoke with an icy tone, "Boots decided to bypass Balgavarr, which many consider an insult the Amazons may yet regret, but he is no longer in the area. Your journey here was for naught."

Chguck wondered if that meant they were going to kill him now.

At that moment the massive doors to the chamber swung open as Stevik and Jo'ek arrived. Stevik's stride was determined and almost angry, his bushy brows tight together and his mouth set in a frown. Jo'ek winged over his head to the opposite side of the room, the wake of his passing raising a breeze that made Chguck's already disheveled mop of hair wave comically. One of the dwarves to his right suddenly covered his mouth as the smell of the goblin blew up his nose, and he ran for a doorway with a half moon symbol on the doorpost. Chguck sympathized, he knew how depressing it was to lose a meal, but he wondered what had caused the dwarf to suddenly get so sick?

Oh, the mysteries of the world...how they confounded him.

Both of the new arrivals bowed to Geril, then stood side by side with backs straight, waiting for him to speak.

"Do either of you know this creature?"

Chguck raised his hand high and started hooting. "Me know, me know, me know!" he yelped. He knew the answer to a question! Well, stranger things have already happened in this tale, so why don't we let him have his moment?

The Chancellor ignored him, but motioned to one of the guards, who promptly took a rag and gagged the Trog™. Chguck shook his head, the rag was full of the vile smell of fresh spring flowers, and of all things, soap! He felt he might grabwukagain.

Stevik stepped forward. "Chancellor, while we know this creature, he is not here at the invitation of either of us. He claims to need footwear, but for what reason we could not get him to say. "I can only assume he is a spy, harmless now since he was captured outside of the city. He has seen nothing while among us that could harm our people, even if he could tell the tale to the Morehl™ without them slicing him to pieces as a liar. My suggestion is to stick some sandals on his feet and kick him out of the main gate with a stern warning and a dead rat."

Chguck's ears perked up, a dead rat? Awesome!

Jo'ek growled his agreement. "Haaaaa-aa-armlessss."

Geril leaned forward and his warm golden eyes bored into Chguck's filmy gray ones. "Why are you here, Chief of Bigwet?"

Chguck then recalled his mission (oh hell, why not?), and realized he was not in a good position to carry it out, as if he ever had been. He looked sheepishly up at the scary dwarf glaring at him, and spoke in his softest, most innocent voice. "Came for boots so can kick Stevik and Jo'ek like dey kick me long ago."

Stevik snapped his fingers, "I knew it!" and started laughing heartily. "This is the Trog™ I have been telling you all about for years. The one I found hiding after the last battle of the war under some rocks. You know, the one that had soiled his loincloth? I dragged him out and gave him a good kick to get him started on his way. I won't even describe what I got on my boot!" Laughter echoed all around Chguck now, who was feeling rather embarrassed at the memory and all the dwarves now laughing at him.
He rubbed his rear end. "Still hurts," he mumbled, and the laughing got even louder.

The Chancellor himself was even guffawing at the sight of Chguck's humiliation. "Oh, this is rich," he roared, "You came all this way for revenge?" At Chguck's happy nod, he wiped his eyes with a silk napkin. "Well, noble Chguck, I am going to grant your wish. We can't have you going around saying that the dwarves don't honor a debt owed." He clapped his hands and silence fell at once. Stevik and Jo'ek, step forward and bend over!" Now the laughter started up again as the two, wizard and warrior, walked to the table and before Geril both bent at the waist and grabbed their ankles. Stevik looked rather uncomfortable bending over in his wizard's robe, the fabric stretched taut across his broad posterior. "Oof!" he gasped, his breath wheezing a bit. Jo'ek's tail waved in the hair as he followed suit, not entirely understanding.

"Boot the Trog™!" Geril called, and Chguck knew he was about to get thrown out again. Hopefully the rocks had softened a little over the years.

Then some boots were shoved onto his dirty feet, the dwarves doing so gagging at the sight of small colonies of insects and worms writhing under the nails and between his spread toes, which Chguck waggled happily. He had boots at last!

DISCLAIMER: I think we may be on the verge of seeing Chguck's adventure come to a close...
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:03 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

At last Chguck would be able to reign triumphant over his adversaries! (Or, as he put it, "Me get dose guys!") He tested his new boots, took several deep breaths (to putrefy his system), then ran forward with a blood-curdling yelp and aimed his very best, hardest kick at...well, he didn't care which one he hit! As his foot flew through the air he imagined Stevik and Jo'ek hurtling through the sky as he himself had done several times on his journey. Something resembling a satisfied smile (though it appeared to the dwarves more like a severe cramp had struck the Trog™) crossed his face.

Just then, a Dwarven female grabbed Stevik and Jo'ek and pulled them out of the way. Chguck's kick missed completely-so completely that it was Chguck who went hurtling through the air ("Not again!" he groaned), right up and out of a nearby chimney. As he was sucked up by the force of the rising air current, he heard Geril shout below: "Loosi! Why do you always pull them out of the way? You'd think we would learn..." The rest of the warlord's exclamation was lost in a rush of wind and what Chguck could have sworn was uproarious laughter (if he could spell the word "uproarious" or knew what it meant) down below.

As usual, Chguck remained in the air far longer than the laws of physics, even Cyrean physics, would allow. If he had the wit to ponder it, he might have thought it was some kind of nefarious, repetitious plot device to move him from location to location without the tedium of having to write actual descriptive prose. However, Chguck's minuscule intellect was incapable of such an exercise, so that obviously wasn't the reason. It was just those unpredictable winds over the Kafnaysans acting up again (or as Chguck put it...no, I'd better not repeat the way Chguck put it).

After what seemed to be hours (but was probably just hours), Chguck realized he was starting to descend. Not only that, but the ground below looked vaguely familiar, as if it were someplace he recognized, but after a long night at the Slithering Snail. Chguck scratched his head (not easy to do in midair) and thought hard (not easy for Chguck at any time). The ground loomed closer and closer. Then it hit him.

He woke up two hours later, with no broken bones but quite a few bruises and sprains. As he groggily looked around, Chguck realized something.

"Me home!" he shouted, before he realized he didn't want to alert Pataclaragertrude of his arrival. He slunk over to the rock on front of his hut and sat down. He was back in the land where he ruled supreme as chief. But now, after all his adventures, Chguck realized it wasn't enough to be a chief.

He wanted to be king. He really wanted to be the Grand Exalted Imperial Excellency, but being a goblin he couldn't spell that, so he settled for wanting to be king. (Actually, being a goblin he couldn't spell "king" either-his handwriting was terrible, so it's hard to say exactly what letters he used, but most competent scholars of Trog™™ culture in Cyrea believe he spelled it "Knnkg.") So Chguck set about to control all of the lands around his tribe's stomping grounds. (That is not a colloquialism-they really stomped around there, so much so that pretty much nothing more complex than mosses would grow, and that includes the Trogs™™.) Just to the north, Chguck knew that a dangerous alliance was being formed between the awesome and terrible Vaghan Wizard Stevik (or, in Chguck's phraseology, "Big nasty magic man with scary beard") and the powerful and deadly Areosan Assailer J'oek (or, as Chguck called him, "Big furry kitty with ice spikes who writes...uh, can't read that"). Chguck decided something had to be done about those two, so he sat down to think...

DISCLAIMER: Yeah, it was about time to bring the poor guy home. But you never know what might happen in the future...
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Majiken
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:31 pm GMT    Post subject: Epilogue Reply with quote

...and he sits there to this very day...

THE END!


DISCLAIMER:
Well, as most know by now, Chill Wind has a sequel, so there's no reason why Chguck can't be revisited in the future...
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Last edited by Majiken on Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:35 pm GMT; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:35 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry, Joe, that doesn't count as an installment. There's no disclaimer.

At least, until you edit it.
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Last edited by ddicerc on Tue Nov 22, 2011 10:06 pm GMT; edited 1 time in total
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